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Betrayed By God?
Torment, Daemon Possession, Mental Illness or Anxiety
This article will focus on torment, mental illness, and fears of daemon possession. I mention this early in this writing to reveal, perhaps to your relief, that in my own efforts to analyze myself, I considered that I was suffering with torment by daemon possession! The outcome was that I suffered with a mental illness called Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Now, while daemon possession is possible, mental illness and daemon possession are very different!
Unless you are (or were) a dabbler in daemons and such, you should not concern yourself with daemon possession. In other words, people who suffer with daemon possession, experience it, because they had called on dark forces to experience super natural power in his or her life. It is interesting, that scripture never tells the back-story of how a victim became daemon possessed. However, scripture does reveal that the possessed victim understood him or herself to be daemon possessed and people around the victim understood the victim to be possessed. Finally, scripture reveals the possibility that parents may have been dabblers, and because of it, their children suffered possession (Mark 7:25-29). In any case, it's fair to say that if you are not sure that you are daemon possessed, then you could be confident that you're not!
On the other hand, a person who is physically and medically stricken with anxiety, or morally tormented, repulsed and uncomfortable by the thoughts they are experiencing; are more than likely fighting a physical, mental and chemical disturbance. In such cases, those people like myself, may need such things as, medical help, and biblical teaching in order to achieve correction with the aid of Godly steadfastness and prayer.
As a Christian I suffered with mental illness. I suffered with the disease called Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)! I suffered with tremendous torment, which brought me to consider that I was daemon possessed. As a result of thoughts stuck in my head, I experienced guilt, doubt, shame, and condemnation continuously!
So, while I’m not a doctor, the best way to explain my experience was as follows: OCD is an anxiety condition that exists in the thinking process of the brain. Neurons have chemicals stationed within them. When the neuron malfunctions, it cannot release these chemicals into the neuropath where thoughts are being processed. This causes thoughts in the process to be disrupted, whereby they present themselves in your conscious mind for you to accept or reject over and over again! However, because of the error in chemical flagging, the thought with its incomplete process keeps reoccurring in the conscious mind as your mind tries to correctly process the error flag. So, the thought presents itself to you over and over again to accept or reject! This is what causes the tormenting condition of OCD. The torment will continue, unless the neuron malfunction corrects, and then suddenly the victim feels relief! This is what is known as intrusive thought and it torments its victim! This condition is what caused me to think that I was suffering with daemon possession!
This disease, as you could imagine, was truly a heavy burden to bear! Before I received treatment it caused horrible thoughts that I couldn't turn off. Sometimes they would suddenly clear up, and I’d feel fine. However, that reprieve would not last long. I began suffering with the disease at the age of fifteen years old. I sought treatment thru my father at that age, demanding that my father take me to a psychiatrist (which he did)!
The psychiatric field was not yet aware, or he was not aware of OCD yet! The doctor said I was fine, “a growing boy!” I suffered with the disease on again, off again until I was forty years old. However, God performed a true life-altering miracle when I was eighteen years old.
Later, I learned, from my doctor (I was forty) that people would get confused thinking that they were hearing voices, when actually they were experiencing “intrusive thought!” Intrusive thoughts were often misunderstood or mistaken for audible voices. Therefore, it is important to know that you should seek professional help to determine your symptoms. However, in my case, I was dealing with intrusive thoughts and not an “Audible Voice!” In any case, and most importantly, whether intrusive thought, or the audible voice, there are treatments that can help.
Another important observation in my case was that I thought I was experiencing daemon possession. These were intrusive thoughts pushing their way into my mind, and they were contrary to everything Christ taught us. This happened to me as a faithful Christian believer. As a young believer (about 17 years old), I spoke to my pastor who took the time to explain that daemon possession was not what I was experiencing. But how do you disprove such a thing, so it gave me little comfort.
Intrusive, ugly thoughts would often erupt in my thinking (numerous times a day). I understood that while the ugly intrusive thought occurred, I realized that I did not have to act on it, nor was I compelled to perform it, because those thoughts were repulsive to me. Furthermore, I felt a rage in my body, and I suffered terrible depression, which caused me to question the anchors in my life. If I were not keenly keyed into the scripture of: thou shalt not kill, I could have been disoriented, and performed rashly.
When my doctor asked me, if I felt like killing myself (now forty), I realized he was concerned I might try to commit suicide. Severe fear, torment, rage, and anxiety ran through me in ways I never thought possible. I certainly did wish my life would end. But I knew God would be dissatisfied with suicide. OCD crippled every aspect of my life. If it hadn't happened to me personally I'd never have believed a person could feel such horrible torment and suffering within their mind. However, I explained that for a follower of Christ, suicide is not an option. He gave me his cell phone just in case!
Just a note: I was taught that mental illness couldn't happen to me because I'm a Christian and God would never allow it. The truth is: our bodies are corrupted. However, even under such duress, I could still control myself! I was willing to fight and keep my sound mind and do what God expects of me. Thou shalt not kill (myself), or commit adultery was a daily staple to my mental diet.
You may be experiencing much the same pain as I once did. There is hope and solutions for you and this is what I wanted to address. I want you to be aware that others have been through this. They, like me searched for answers and received them while still others are going through it. The point is that you're not alone in your suffering. And you can work your way through this fearlessly, starting now.
My hope is that if these answers help you, then you will be kind enough to stand ready to help your neighbor even your enemy when they suffer as you did. How else do we win souls to Christ?
Helpful Tips
I suggest a three-fold attack. When a person is suffering mental illness such as I did, or from the loss of a loved one or some major catastrophic event these following thoughts might be considered pretty steep steps, but suffering always comes down to physical and mental anguish. So, I am going to make the following recommendations just for the sake of a no-nonsense straightforward strictly spiritual, non-medical approach.
First: Locate a psychiatrist and not a psychologist and diagnose the problem: Rule out mental illness.
Second: Memorize the Ten Commandments, worship God with your strength, and frequently read The New Testament.
Third, Contact someone that you can privately share your sufferings with (usually the psychiatrist).
The Psychiatrist
A doctor of psychiatry can rule out mental illness. With regards to a psychiatrist rather than a psychologist, that is because you or the person suffering may be suffering from mental illness brought on by mental pressure, or a catastrophic event exposing a hereditary illness, for which medication can bring greater relief.
In either case, if medication is necessary, you’re on a fast path if it’s needed. While psychology may help with “Talk Therapy" they can't prescribe medications. A psychiatrist (preferably a Christian Psychiatrist if you can find one) can provide “Talk Therapy", while prescribing medications, as they make themselves available in the event of an emergency. Prescribed medications correct the physical cause of chemical imbalances in the brain, stabilizing the patient over time. Prescriptions take time to work (up to eight weeks or more), while the psychiatrist monitors you and your safety. It's also important to note, that if medication is needed, finding those medications that work on your particular imbalance will take time also. So, a psychiatrist is (in my opinion) more up to the task.
My Experience
I called the doctor's office for an appointment. I thought I could help myself if I took notes explaining my experiences. I should mention that I was terrified of going to see a psychiatrist. I was sure he was going to tell me that I should be put away. However, I decided to go anyway. I thought if they put me in a padded room, and throw away the key then that's the way it goes, and I explained that to my wife at the time, as it turns out the doctor explained that mental institutions are not used anymore, obviously, I was very relieved.
Documenting my symptoms helped me explain to the doctor the craziness that was in my brain. Before seeing the doctor I actually documented my day as it was happening. I did it for a few days (I had a little time before seeing the doctor). I wrote down every symptom I experienced throughout the day. I did this daily until I met with the doctor! The doctor told me that after hearing my documentation, he was confident that I was experiencing OCD. As it turned out his diagnosis was correct. But more importantly, relief came quickly. Substantial relief began at about eight weeks after beginning the medication (which was exactly what the doctor told me to expect).
The doctor’s prognosis was quick because of my documentation. The doctor explained to me that he never had a patient document his or her experiences as I had done. So, it proved to be a great help to the doctor to resolve my situation! I recommend you do the same thing. Document your events...Time, Date and describe what you are feeling and thinking!
The Ten Commandments
Why you should memorize The Ten Commandments, and frequently read the New Testament. A person suffering from mental illness, whether depression, bi-polar disease, or OCD, which often fall into the OCD umbrella, may become disoriented and confused. Suicide, or other obtuse actions can result from the disorientation. The Ten Commandments, and Christ’s teachings of loving God with all of your heart and loving your neighbor as yourself anchors the disoriented person to continually convince themselves that they are obligated to use the cognitive strength to fight for God’s path of performing all goodness through Jesus Christ!
To an individual suffering from mental illness, suicide is all too often a real consideration (and a very poor solution) to end the mental torment and suffering that depression brings on. Unfortunately, killing and other tragic events can occur, because mental illness often brings with it deep aggressive physical desire that a person find hard to resist. This coupled with deep irritability and confusion can bring on tragic results. I went through this first hand and know from where I speak.
To a person trying to live a life pleasing to God, the memorization of the Ten Commandments and frequently reading The New Testament teaching of "Loving Your Neighbor" is very good for you anyway. But in the heat of the battle for your life, these teachings keep a disoriented person closely fixed to the rails of the Christian reality. Furthermore, there's a lot to be said for just plain old clinch the fist and say "No! God wants me to do His work!" So, tell yourself "No! That behavior is not pleasing to God!"
Most people when in their right mind don't want to hurt themselves and these teachings can help a sick person grab onto something that is good, and to help them understand the proper behaviors that God requires of us. Furthermore, even in such terrifying times, the individual can truly fight for his or her own life. If the truth be told I fought back with "Thou shalt not kill, I MUST love my neighbor!" numerous times a day, every day for a long time (over twenty years).
Do You Know Someone You Can Share With?
Finally, Contact someone that you can privately share your sufferings with, preferably your psychiatrist. One thing that certainly helped me was talking about my sufferings because it temporarily took away the pain I was experiencing. This may sound strange coming from a Christian, but I'm confident in my convictions.
It’s understandable to be afraid of sharing your thoughts with someone, or the thought of talking to someone outside of the church; I went through the very same thing. That’s why I suggest a psychiatrist! Your conversations are private.
Did God Betray Me? No! Not Really!
Too often when people run into these deep-terrifying times they feel betrayed by God. Fortunately for us, God is not as shallow as we are. I thought and felt the very same thing and that's why I named the article thus!
In these times God has not betrayed us. The unfortunate truth is we've betrayed ourselves by not learning the truth of what God promised us. Nor have we taken the time to disciple ourselves in the true meaning of His teachings. Face it! We believe wrong because we want to. Furthermore, we expect very little from our earthly spiritual teachers, pastors, and so forth.
Learn the doctrines and do as the Apostle Peter told us to do! "Have an answer for the hope that lies within you for any person who asks it of you!" My recommendation for anyone who is not sure of themselves in these matters is: to start at the very next paragraph What Is Your Perception Of God? This will give you a basic understanding of the Doctrine of Salvation it's an abridged (short) version and fairly complete. It's here only to show you the first step of the doctrine. Then later we'll move into other doctrines but for now it's a good refresher course for the deeper brethren and a good launch pad for the new comer.
What Is Your Perception of God?
First, you may want to consider this question. What is your perception of God? I am of the opinion now more than ever that Christians completely misunderstand who God is and the mission that Jesus Christ performed on the Earth.
In the Old Testament of the Bible God put a standard in place for the Israelites to follow. This standard was called the Ten Commandments. These rules provided living standards for the entire Israelite community. It is also the standard used today throughout the earth!
Do not put any gods or idols before the Lord Your God.
Do not create any images of what you think God looks like or any images of anything anywhere and call them god.
Don’t use God’s name in deceitfully or vainly, to achieve your own vain works for personal wealth
Keep the Sabbath Day Holy (Saturday is a day of rest. Don't work)
Honor your parents
Do not kill
Do not commit adultery
Do not steal
Do not lie
Do not desire any of your neighbor’s things that is anything from his labor, his property to his wife, etc.
As we said earlier, the Israelites were commanded by God to live in accordance with these laws and regulations, and any time a person would break any of these laws it was called a sin.
What Is Sin?
Sinning then is simply falling short of this standard that God has set for His people. So when a person sinned or broke God's law they had to kill an animal in a prescribed way according to the regulations of the Law. They didn't kill just any animal as a sacrifice; it had to be the best first-born male lamb of the flock. The owner would bring the animal to the priest, and the priest would put his hand on the head of the lamb and slaughter it by spilling all its blood.
By performing this act, the owner recognized that he did an act against God and that the lamb was innocent, but it was being put to death so God would extend grace to the owner and not condemn the owner to death for his error. Therefore, the owner's law breaking act was graciously overlooked because he sacrificed his best lamb as God required.
God and Abraham entered into a contract agreement making Abraham, his offspring, and the servants of his household God’s chosen people set aside for God’s purposes. God's people willingly entered into this agreement called a covenant. The covenant required the Israelites alone (no other people group) to live by God’s laws. These laws would make the following happen:
He created a people that were all subject to God's rule.
He created a for-shadowing of a great event that was to come.
He defined what the ultimate sin offering would look like when He came. This way, those who were seeking forgiveness to be saved from God’s wrath for breaking God's laws (the Levitical and Ten Commandments) would be able to recognize this special person who was our sacrifice (meaning Christ).
He was called the Lamb of God
He would be perfect
It would be a male
He would be innocent of any crime
He would have to spill all of His blood
He would achieve many other signs that would be recognized by seekers
He created a people He would call His own.
He created a people that were governed by laws.
He created a people that believed all men were equal regardless of political or social status, or what their sins were that they committed. All could receive forgiveness through Christ and escape God’s wrath of judgment.
Redeeming The World
In other words, many people all across the world know they've offended God! However, if they want to correct what they have done wrong; that is breaking Gods commands, these people, whoever they are; understand by this sacrifice tradition that was done by the Jews was a preview of a greater sacrifice. That sacrifice was going to die once and take away the sins of the whole world, and anyone who accepted that sacrifice would be forgiven of their offenses and sins against God.
The reason for this was to put the whole world on notice! A sacrifice was made and God was ready to forgive the sins of anyone (Jew or non-Jew) that accepted it and was prepared to live a life pleasing to God. Furthermore, No sin was too great that God couldn't handle, Earth was given the opportunity to make themselves right before God. Finally, God would call these people His People, who believed in Christ and lived according to Christ’s teachings. God would make them Children of God.
So, in a nutshell you've heard the simplified version of the doctrine of salvation. Basically, God has provided a means, in which we can make ourselves right before Him. The problem is though, now that we live for Him, how do we perceive Him. After all there are many doctrines out there and they must stand up to scrutiny. Otherwise our faith can be defeated, and I do believe that if the world could defeat faith in Christ, it would! To date the faith still stands true and every man is liar. So, What did God really promise?
What Did God Really Promise?
Once a person is a child of God, they often falsely assume or are poorly taught by bad teachers that life is going to be a bowl of cherries and good things are going to happen to them all the days of their natural life! This is just not so. Furthermore, these teachings are completely false information usually promulgated by people who completely miss the point of the teachings of Jesus Christ and are not familiar with the disciplines that Christ put forth. In fact, Christ Jesus taught His disciples that because the world hated Him the world would hate us and seek to kill us just because we are lovers of Christ Jesus and look to His teachings regarding all aspects of our life here on Earth.
Now then, it would be wise to stop and ask ourselves a very simple question. If our lives are not going to be rosy, then, what did God really promise?
Well, for starters, that we would overcome the world! In other words, Jesus taught us those trials, tests and catastrophe will absolutely arrive. However, when these events arose we would lean on God and His teachings to get us through the event. Whether the event is small or we are confronted with death itself, we can depend on God's teachings to get through to the other side. Some times the other side means the other side of death.
Allow me to remind you that during the latter portion of the Roman Empire (Shortly After Christ's Ascension), Christians were persecuted and fed to lions, torn apart by wild animals, hunted for sport and were run through with polls through their torso and used as torches along highways. Christ Himself was innocently hung on a tree simply because of His teaching that God loved the world.
Christians are killed or tortured every day in country's such as China, The Middle East, North Korea and many other, so called, civilized countries in the world. Therefore, if you are going to be a disciple of God you should consider this truth. There is no teaching that says, God will remove the event. The teaching is that whether you are tortured, tormented by thought or deed (whether your own or by others) suffer depression, or are a victim of catastrophe or even all of the above; God is our way out!
Contact me by email if you like: Richard.Beobide@Jesusthisway.com.
In any case remember: life is going to have its rough times. You must rise up to this challenge that is trying to beat you down and do everything in your power to make yourself well. During this time of my life even thinking was a difficulty that brought on depression.
Remember the three-fold attack: get to a doctor of psychiatry to diagnose the problem: Rule out mental illness: Memorize the Tem commandments and read the New Testament: Contact someone you can privately share your sufferings with. Then you can go on, preach the gospel, save souls, and persuade people of the Lord Jesus Christ.
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